Inside the head of a family mediator – session 4

Mediator: How are you two doing?

Both answer me in unison: “Yes, we’re getting used to it!

Mediator: According to my notes, there are still a few subjects to discuss, including alimony.
Shall we start with that or would you prefer another topic?

Mariève immediately replies that alimony is a necessity.
She can’t afford it and is going into debt.
Alex immediately replies that she’s not the one who had to buy everything new to furnish her apartment: “Do you know how much it costs to furnish a 5 1/2?”.

I ask them if they want to discuss alimony or the financial aspects as spouses and co-owners.
Mariève says she prefers to discuss alimony, since Julia is the priority.
She adds that she has brought her tax returns and her last three pay stubs.

I ask her to show them to Alex and explain what she earned last year and what she plans to earn this year.
Mariève informs Alex that there won’t be any big surprises on this front, as she intends to keep the same job.
Her salary is estimated to be the same as the last two years, i.e. $42,000.
Her pay slips confirm that this amount is realistic for the current year.

Mediator: Is this your gross or net salary?

Mariève: Gross.
You can see it on line 199.

I ask a few additional questions related to his job: are there any benefits?
possible overtime?
union dues?
union dues? etc.

Then I turn to Alex and ask him to inform Mariève.

Alex: I don’t want you to think I don’t want to pay for my daughter, but I just can’t afford it.

Mariève: That’s not the question Alex!
Didn’t you bring anything?

Alex: I couldn’t find it.
Anyway, it’s always me who pays.
I’m financially strangled; it’s not just you who finds it hard.
Besides, I don’t have my parents’ financial support like you do – you know that.

Mediator: How about some scenarios?
Could that give you an idea of the alimony?
Then you could each look at your budget?

Since both are open to this proposal, I’m collecting the following information:

Mariève: $42,000 gross salary

Alex: $60,000 or $75,000 gross salary, $800 union dues (deductible)

1 minor child in 43% shared custody with Alex (Monday evening to Sunday evening, every other week = Alex’s request) or in 29% sole custody with extended outing rights with Alex (Thursday evening to Monday morning, every other week = Mariève’s request)

By entering these and other additional details, the software is able to calculate the monthly alimony to be paid:

 

1. 145 per month at 42/60 and 43%.
2. 210 per month at 42/75 and 43%.
3. 450 per month at 42/60 and 29%.
4. 535 per month at 42/75 and 29%.

Alex: I have to admit I’m a bit lost with all the scenarios.

Mariève: Can we bring them?
I’d like to look at them with my own calculations.
It doesn’t seem like much for all of Julia’s expenses.

Mediator: Remember that alimony only calculates the nine basic needs.
Special needs and certain other expenses will have to be discussed separately.
I’ll put it on my list for the next session?

On a mixed “yes” with a shared sigh from the parents, I leave them with a copy of the scenarios as well as a document explaining child support and its nine basic needs.
The legal information on other expenses and their possible breakdown according to the custody arrangement chosen (shared or sole custody) is also given to the parents.
They agree to read it before the next session.
Alex agrees to bring his last three pay stubs.
Finally, each parent receives a sample budget to complete.

Mediator : The budget is particularly important and interesting.
You may be surprised to see how much each of you is already spending on Julia’s behalf.
In addition, there’s bound to be some reorganization on the financial side, which I think will be a useful exercise for you.